Tough times

So the pub that Matt has worked at for the past two years has abruptly closed its doors as of Sunday. Matt even worked Saturday night and no one knew anything was going to happen like this the following day. No notice, no phone call from his boss. We have many thoughts and emotions. I'm tired, have a paper due tomorrow (it's actually a week late) so I won't go into many details. But we would love your prayers. God has been incredibly faithful to us and so we know we are not being hung out to dry. But there is the wrestling with the anxiety, the unknowns, and the fears of how to make ends meet financially. It seems overwhelming to think about what has happened to us over the last 3 years. I feel like Pig-Pen from the Peanuts comic strips these days. It's like the crap and dirt just clings to us and we can't get away from it.

This Psalm below has been an incredible encouragement to me over the last 2 years of seminary. An anonymous person from seminary during our first semester gave us $100 once during a real low point and had a few verses from Psalm 40 attached to it. I'll never forget the encouragement it gave the first time I sat and read it during this time. My favorite verse is vs 5 where he remembers God's faithfulness. Many times I forget that and then scream and cry because I feel like all hell is breaking loose with the crap from loosing jobs and being scared of what is next. When I get to that anxious point it is helpful for me to remember and attempt to recount what God has done, how he has provided, and how he has loved our family...it is too much to count. So my prayer is now that God will not delay in showing us his plans. I know he has plans for us, the hard part is waiting to understand them. Vs 16 is amazing because as I search God I know he his good and has never failed me. So in the midst of struggle and heartache and being scared out of my whits end on how to pay the bills, I do have that weird kind of joy because I know I am not spinning lonely out of control.

Psalm 40

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
³ He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.

⁴ Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.
⁵ O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.

⁶ You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.
Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand^a]">[a]—
you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.
⁷ Then I said, “Look, I have come.
As is written about me in the Scriptures:
⁸ I take joy in doing your will, my God,
for your instructions are written on my heart.”

⁹ I have told all your people about your justice.
I have not been afraid to speak out,
as you, O Lord, well know.
¹⁰ I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart;
I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power.
I have told everyone in the great assembly
of your unfailing love and faithfulness.

¹¹ Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me.
Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles surround me—
too many to count!
My sins pile up so high
I can’t see my way out.
They outnumber the hairs on my head.
I have lost all courage.

¹³ Please, Lord, rescue me!
Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
¹⁴ May those who try to destroy me
be humiliated and put to shame.
May those who take delight in my trouble
be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵ Let them be horrified by their shame,
for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”

¹⁶ But may all who search for you
be filled with joy and gladness in you.
May those who love your salvation
repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!”
¹⁷ As for me, since I am poor and needy,
let the Lord keep me in his thoughts.
You are my helper and my savior.
O my God, do not delay.